2008 Woodie Awards
Attacked With a Pointed Stick
Scripted for the Court
Michael Stridsberg
Issue date: 10/17/05 Section: Features
- Page 1 of 2 next >
My new favorite phrase is, "In a carefully scripted event." No one can possibly explain the comedy involved in this phrase - but I can at least give some background.
Recently, President Bush held a video teleconference with troops in Iraq regarding the vote on the Iraqi constitution. I tried to read the article but got completely stuck on the lead. The full text was as follows: "In a carefully scripted event, a handpicked group of U.S. troops told President George W. Bush what he wanted to hear." At least they were honest about it - unlike, say, (insert stereotypical entity here).
The part about how the event was scripted, though, got me thinking. (Experience has shown that this is a dangerous thing.) The staged nature of press conferences and other political media is one of the worst-kept secrets known to man. In terms of effectiveness, improvisation has gone the way that Ben Affleck's career needs to go. (I can dream, can't I?) Cases in point: Richard Nixon, Howard Dean. I will leave it at that.
But I digress. My original point was: the problem with scripting an event is that it only leaves one side happy. Since it plays out according to one person's dreams and fantasies, the other side gets screwed. Consider this everyday situation, as seen from both sides of the fence:
Guy Meeting a Girl
Guy: Hello.
Girl: Ravish me!
Guy: Okay.
Girl Meeting a Guy
Girl: Hello.
Guy: I am a celibate.
Girl: Damn straight.
Exactly how would those two situations be combined to make everyone happy? Just thinking about it makes me get all dizzy and faint. The lesson, as always: never pick a topic for a column that necessitates deep thought. Unfortunately, it really would not do leave this column at its present length - or worse, abandon it. The newspaper people may claim I can skip my column if I have no ideas, but in reality, they really really want the content. So, out of respect for my health and my editors, I will now move on to a topic that allows for less thought and more booger jokes.
Recently, President Bush held a video teleconference with troops in Iraq regarding the vote on the Iraqi constitution. I tried to read the article but got completely stuck on the lead. The full text was as follows: "In a carefully scripted event, a handpicked group of U.S. troops told President George W. Bush what he wanted to hear." At least they were honest about it - unlike, say, (insert stereotypical entity here).
The part about how the event was scripted, though, got me thinking. (Experience has shown that this is a dangerous thing.) The staged nature of press conferences and other political media is one of the worst-kept secrets known to man. In terms of effectiveness, improvisation has gone the way that Ben Affleck's career needs to go. (I can dream, can't I?) Cases in point: Richard Nixon, Howard Dean. I will leave it at that.
But I digress. My original point was: the problem with scripting an event is that it only leaves one side happy. Since it plays out according to one person's dreams and fantasies, the other side gets screwed. Consider this everyday situation, as seen from both sides of the fence:
Guy Meeting a Girl
Guy: Hello.
Girl: Ravish me!
Guy: Okay.
Girl Meeting a Guy
Girl: Hello.
Guy: I am a celibate.
Girl: Damn straight.
Exactly how would those two situations be combined to make everyone happy? Just thinking about it makes me get all dizzy and faint. The lesson, as always: never pick a topic for a column that necessitates deep thought. Unfortunately, it really would not do leave this column at its present length - or worse, abandon it. The newspaper people may claim I can skip my column if I have no ideas, but in reality, they really really want the content. So, out of respect for my health and my editors, I will now move on to a topic that allows for less thought and more booger jokes.