2008 Woodie Awards
Attacked With A Pointed Stick
Truth and Lies on Opening Night
Michael Stridsberg
Issue date: 11/7/05 Section: Features
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Tony: Well, cast, I must say that this is the best production that Clarkson has ever put on. However, that only refers to the acting. Tech is so far behind that the house opening has been delayed for them to work on things. In other words, intentional or not, they will be messing with you hardcore tonight. So your improvisation skills will definitely be put to the test. If you have no idea how to improvise, then you obviously have no experience with Clarkson theatre.
Roy: Let's be temperate - no soda.
Tony: It most certainly is P-Town for ya. Also, I realize that some of you are tired from all the long hours of the past week. All I have to say is, I have $50 worth of caffeine pills in my system, and I feel great. Caffeine, caffeine!!!
Cip: What about Jolt? Does drinking five bottles of Jolt count?
Tony: No, you fool - it has to be in pill form! I tried to get you addicted, but did you take me up on it? No! You had your chance; now suck it up. Same goes for your ego.
Cip: Never speak of Alleuicious that way!
Tony: Shut up. As I was saying, have fun, work hard, and give the tech people a break. (Leaves.)
Stedner: Well kids, welcome to Grandpa Stedner's p-
Jill: Stop, Stedner! What happens in the green room stays in the green room!
Stender: Michael is writing this column, Jill, not me.
Jill: Rules are rules!
Stedner: Okay, okay. Banana phone!
Teegan: Okay guys, Cip is on.
(Cut to stage.)
Cip: To E.M.McVicker and Company South Hampton England. We undertake no guarantee for goods damaged intransit as soon as the consignment was taken on board ACK Too Much Jolt Too Much Jolt system overload shutdown…
Kyleigh: Yes.
Cip: Thank you. Anyway…it must be noon.
John: Um, I guess there was supposed to be a whistle or something there.
Michael: Hitsman, if you miss that sound cue again, I will skin you alive.
Roy: Let's be temperate - no soda.
Tony: It most certainly is P-Town for ya. Also, I realize that some of you are tired from all the long hours of the past week. All I have to say is, I have $50 worth of caffeine pills in my system, and I feel great. Caffeine, caffeine!!!
Cip: What about Jolt? Does drinking five bottles of Jolt count?
Tony: No, you fool - it has to be in pill form! I tried to get you addicted, but did you take me up on it? No! You had your chance; now suck it up. Same goes for your ego.
Cip: Never speak of Alleuicious that way!
Tony: Shut up. As I was saying, have fun, work hard, and give the tech people a break. (Leaves.)
Stedner: Well kids, welcome to Grandpa Stedner's p-
Jill: Stop, Stedner! What happens in the green room stays in the green room!
Stender: Michael is writing this column, Jill, not me.
Jill: Rules are rules!
Stedner: Okay, okay. Banana phone!
Teegan: Okay guys, Cip is on.
(Cut to stage.)
Cip: To E.M.McVicker and Company South Hampton England. We undertake no guarantee for goods damaged intransit as soon as the consignment was taken on board ACK Too Much Jolt Too Much Jolt system overload shutdown…
Kyleigh: Yes.
Cip: Thank you. Anyway…it must be noon.
John: Um, I guess there was supposed to be a whistle or something there.
Michael: Hitsman, if you miss that sound cue again, I will skin you alive.