2008 Woodie Awards
Another Brumonia Outbreak Strikes UCLA's Opposition
Mark Whicker/The Orange County Register
Issue date: 4/3/06 Section: Sports
- Page 1 of 2 next >
Brumonia strikes again. And one can only pray that the medical researchers can find a vaccine soon, to save what's left of college basketball.
You know the symptoms by now. Gonzaga suffers fainting spells in the final two minutes. Memphis lapses into uncontrollable tics when trapped inside UCLA's paint. On Saturday, LSU lost all motor skills and suffered severe, pounding headaches that morphed into vision problems on the free-throw line.
Everyone UCLA plays these days falls victim to some powerful strain of Brumonia. Everyone UCLA plays stinks. Only one more of these amazing coincidences has to happen to give UCLA a national championship.
Saturday the Bruins belted LSU, 59-45, in a game that was not nearly that close. They led by twenty-four in the second half. They harassed LSU into thirty-two percent shooting, badgered Glen "Big Baby" Davis into five for seventeen, out rebounded the supposedly more "athletic" Tigers by nine, and actually showed a glancing knowledge of offense themselves, at least in the first half.
UCLA shot 58.3 percent before intermission, 25.9 afterward. Perhaps they were showing the first dreaded signs of Brumonia. By then the upper deck of the dome was nearly empty, as spectators fled home and fetched cold compresses.
The man who spreads Brumonia most effectively, again, is freshman Luc Richard Mbah a Moute. He had seventeen points and nine rebounds. His opposite number was LSU's Tyrus Thomas, the SEC's top shot-blocker and rebounder and a possible top five NBA draft pick.
Thomas took four shots, scored five points and had six rebounds. He only played seventeen minutes. He sat out much of the first half with two fouls, and then he gave up a lob dunk-Jordan Farmar to Ryan Hollins-and was removed by Coach John Brady. Meanwhile, Mbah a Moute gave double-team help on Davis.
"People just don't know how skilled Luc is," Cedric Bozeman said. "People don't appreciate how athletic he is. I knew it even before practice began, when he was playing in the summertime in the Men's Gym. The sky is the limit for him."
You know the symptoms by now. Gonzaga suffers fainting spells in the final two minutes. Memphis lapses into uncontrollable tics when trapped inside UCLA's paint. On Saturday, LSU lost all motor skills and suffered severe, pounding headaches that morphed into vision problems on the free-throw line.
Everyone UCLA plays these days falls victim to some powerful strain of Brumonia. Everyone UCLA plays stinks. Only one more of these amazing coincidences has to happen to give UCLA a national championship.
Saturday the Bruins belted LSU, 59-45, in a game that was not nearly that close. They led by twenty-four in the second half. They harassed LSU into thirty-two percent shooting, badgered Glen "Big Baby" Davis into five for seventeen, out rebounded the supposedly more "athletic" Tigers by nine, and actually showed a glancing knowledge of offense themselves, at least in the first half.
UCLA shot 58.3 percent before intermission, 25.9 afterward. Perhaps they were showing the first dreaded signs of Brumonia. By then the upper deck of the dome was nearly empty, as spectators fled home and fetched cold compresses.
The man who spreads Brumonia most effectively, again, is freshman Luc Richard Mbah a Moute. He had seventeen points and nine rebounds. His opposite number was LSU's Tyrus Thomas, the SEC's top shot-blocker and rebounder and a possible top five NBA draft pick.
Thomas took four shots, scored five points and had six rebounds. He only played seventeen minutes. He sat out much of the first half with two fouls, and then he gave up a lob dunk-Jordan Farmar to Ryan Hollins-and was removed by Coach John Brady. Meanwhile, Mbah a Moute gave double-team help on Davis.
"People just don't know how skilled Luc is," Cedric Bozeman said. "People don't appreciate how athletic he is. I knew it even before practice began, when he was playing in the summertime in the Men's Gym. The sky is the limit for him."