2008 Woodie Awards
Gender Bender
Who 'gets around' more?
Issue date: 12/4/06 Section: Opinion
- Page 1 of 1
Female Perspective
Round, round get around, men get around… (Courtesy of the Beach Boys); simple reason: the penis. They feel the need to talk about it all the time, brag about it, boast about their conquests with it, and talk/sing to it. We all know where men's brains truly are. They are always thinking with it and therefore using it. Just take Clarkson for instance; even with the lack of females, the men still find an opportunity to "get around." Just look at the athletic teams… In the past, men have always been viewed as desperate for sex (well, they still are). They would visit brothels, strip clubs, or the local corner in order to 'get around.' Females on the other hand, had to treasure their virginity until they married. If they had sex with anyone other than their husband once they were married, they would be considered a social outcast. Guys also know how to flirt with women in order to get them in the bedroom. They manipulate us or take advantage of us if they can. There is only one solution to this: give the men a chastity belt.
Male Perspective
I'm a little bit divided on this one, but I think I'm still going to have to go with the guys. Girls do cheat. I know a lot of you deny it, but ever since the feminist movement, you let everyone know. If you want to be equal, then you have to admit you do the same stupid crap we do. It's part of the package. You have almost total control over the guys here, and a wide selection of guys to pick from. If we screw up, you can easily replace us. Everything is in your favor. So why don't I think girls cheat more? Guys are notorious for screwing things up. How do we cheat with so few girls here at Clarkson? It's not the terabytes of porn that are downloaded each day or the times we'd rather forget with our friends when sometimes he's the girl, sometimes you're the girl, and sometimes you're both the girl. It's hot. Rather, we do it the good old fashioned way. We find the easy girls. That's why God made SLUzers. In fact, I believe that SLU was specifically designed to combat the ratio problem at Clarkson. A lot of you may not know this, but the original name was New New Amsterdam, complete with a red light district and Magic Brownie Buffet. Whatever the reason though, the over-priced liberal arts school over in Canton has the opposite ratio problem we do. Guys could literally go there, meet a girl and half an hour later be in bed. Trust me, I've done it. If you haven't, I highly suggest you try it. It's truly an open campus. So guys, you know you're going to cheat, you just need the opportunity, and there it is. Girls, if your guy ever suggests going to SLU, he might be cheating on you. But keep an open mind, and go with him. You could even join in the fun with him. We hate those SLU bastards when it comes to hockey, but let's remember all the valuable services they provide us at no cost, save the alcoholic intoxication. So at the next party, let's all raise our beer, and give three cheers for SLUts.
Round, round get around, men get around… (Courtesy of the Beach Boys); simple reason: the penis. They feel the need to talk about it all the time, brag about it, boast about their conquests with it, and talk/sing to it. We all know where men's brains truly are. They are always thinking with it and therefore using it. Just take Clarkson for instance; even with the lack of females, the men still find an opportunity to "get around." Just look at the athletic teams… In the past, men have always been viewed as desperate for sex (well, they still are). They would visit brothels, strip clubs, or the local corner in order to 'get around.' Females on the other hand, had to treasure their virginity until they married. If they had sex with anyone other than their husband once they were married, they would be considered a social outcast. Guys also know how to flirt with women in order to get them in the bedroom. They manipulate us or take advantage of us if they can. There is only one solution to this: give the men a chastity belt.
Male Perspective
I'm a little bit divided on this one, but I think I'm still going to have to go with the guys. Girls do cheat. I know a lot of you deny it, but ever since the feminist movement, you let everyone know. If you want to be equal, then you have to admit you do the same stupid crap we do. It's part of the package. You have almost total control over the guys here, and a wide selection of guys to pick from. If we screw up, you can easily replace us. Everything is in your favor. So why don't I think girls cheat more? Guys are notorious for screwing things up. How do we cheat with so few girls here at Clarkson? It's not the terabytes of porn that are downloaded each day or the times we'd rather forget with our friends when sometimes he's the girl, sometimes you're the girl, and sometimes you're both the girl. It's hot. Rather, we do it the good old fashioned way. We find the easy girls. That's why God made SLUzers. In fact, I believe that SLU was specifically designed to combat the ratio problem at Clarkson. A lot of you may not know this, but the original name was New New Amsterdam, complete with a red light district and Magic Brownie Buffet. Whatever the reason though, the over-priced liberal arts school over in Canton has the opposite ratio problem we do. Guys could literally go there, meet a girl and half an hour later be in bed. Trust me, I've done it. If you haven't, I highly suggest you try it. It's truly an open campus. So guys, you know you're going to cheat, you just need the opportunity, and there it is. Girls, if your guy ever suggests going to SLU, he might be cheating on you. But keep an open mind, and go with him. You could even join in the fun with him. We hate those SLU bastards when it comes to hockey, but let's remember all the valuable services they provide us at no cost, save the alcoholic intoxication. So at the next party, let's all raise our beer, and give three cheers for SLUts.
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Honky Cat
posted 12/07/06 @ 6:45 PM EST
Honky Cat Raelee on language. 'Woof'. (myspace).
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