2008 Woodie Awards
Gender Bender
Who is more easily whipped by the other?
Issue date: 1/29/07 Section: Opinion
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Female Perspective
Men are obviously more whipped when it comes to relationships. Now if we're talking about Clarkson, guys will help you do your homework, or rather just do it for you, buy you lots of drinks, and basically suck up to you. The reason: women hold the key to their desire. This means that men will adapt to our mood swings and make amends for what they say, even if they may be right (we will just never admit it). Men will also run our errands. If they buy the wrong item, you bet your bottom condom they are going back to purchase the correct thing. Furthermore, women read more in depth into things, so guys need to think extra hard to say and do the right thing. If not, they spend more time asking for forgiveness and become more whipped by doing so. Now, we all know it's true, so don't try to deny it. There is only one clause to this rule, hot guys. Girls come in swarms to these men, so they become lazy and let the girls fight it out. Now for a one night stand I'd say maybe, but for a relationship they are still inherently lazy and don't deserve the light of day, or even a hockey stick for that matter.
Male Perspective
First let's define what we mean by whipped. If half of the time you choose to do something with your girlfriend instead of your friends, without the promise of relations of the physical nature afterwards, or you've missed more then one major sporting event in a year due to a female, you're whipped. As we can see from the definition, only guys can be whipped. Women are wily. They are masters of deception and subversion. They have studied us and know our weakness. We have an insatiable desire for sex, and will do almost anything if we even think we will get it. I firmly believe God is a woman because she made the penis and the period. She gave us an insatiable little machine that is never satisfied, and she made it so that we can't use it for a week every month. That is just sick. Only the sick, deranged mind of a woman could think of a cruelty that twisted and evil. At a place like Clarkson, this problem is only amplified because now guys must compete with one another for girls. Not only that, these girls are receiving much more attention then they deserve simply because they are a scarce resource. It's time as men that we start to stand up for ourselves. No more missed sports or not hanging with the guys. We cannot let them control our lives anymore. Unfortunately, this will only last until the next time they put an embargo on sex. We have a penis and it controls our life.
Men are obviously more whipped when it comes to relationships. Now if we're talking about Clarkson, guys will help you do your homework, or rather just do it for you, buy you lots of drinks, and basically suck up to you. The reason: women hold the key to their desire. This means that men will adapt to our mood swings and make amends for what they say, even if they may be right (we will just never admit it). Men will also run our errands. If they buy the wrong item, you bet your bottom condom they are going back to purchase the correct thing. Furthermore, women read more in depth into things, so guys need to think extra hard to say and do the right thing. If not, they spend more time asking for forgiveness and become more whipped by doing so. Now, we all know it's true, so don't try to deny it. There is only one clause to this rule, hot guys. Girls come in swarms to these men, so they become lazy and let the girls fight it out. Now for a one night stand I'd say maybe, but for a relationship they are still inherently lazy and don't deserve the light of day, or even a hockey stick for that matter.
Male Perspective
First let's define what we mean by whipped. If half of the time you choose to do something with your girlfriend instead of your friends, without the promise of relations of the physical nature afterwards, or you've missed more then one major sporting event in a year due to a female, you're whipped. As we can see from the definition, only guys can be whipped. Women are wily. They are masters of deception and subversion. They have studied us and know our weakness. We have an insatiable desire for sex, and will do almost anything if we even think we will get it. I firmly believe God is a woman because she made the penis and the period. She gave us an insatiable little machine that is never satisfied, and she made it so that we can't use it for a week every month. That is just sick. Only the sick, deranged mind of a woman could think of a cruelty that twisted and evil. At a place like Clarkson, this problem is only amplified because now guys must compete with one another for girls. Not only that, these girls are receiving much more attention then they deserve simply because they are a scarce resource. It's time as men that we start to stand up for ourselves. No more missed sports or not hanging with the guys. We cannot let them control our lives anymore. Unfortunately, this will only last until the next time they put an embargo on sex. We have a penis and it controls our life.
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