2008 Woodie Awards
Life in Vanity
Jay Frantz
Issue date: 1/29/07 Section: Opinion
- Page 1 of 1
Who needs vanity license plates with their name on them? It seems people either have trouble finding their cars in parking lots of identical models too often, or seem to suffer Alzheimer's disease and need constant reminders of the little things in their life…such as their name. And which car is theirs.
Sherry and Timmy, I don't like you. I don't care what your name is, and I doubt the rest of the world does. In fact, I doubt the rest of the world likes you too. These people, they're incorrigible: if you so much as acknowledge their existence, you have immediately subjected yourself to an hour-long conversation about a dog with flatulence and Timmy's other pet, a parrot that doesn't speak. No wait, sure, it could speak, but Timmy never knew how to train it right. He looked in all the best books and…this is the kind of crap you have to listen to.
I have an idea: we should have a 'shoot on sight' policy at the DMV office when someone tries to register a self-named vanity plate. The obvious exception to this, of course, would be for a funny name like Assman, or Wang. So, notwithstanding that, the clerk pulls a .357 and sends one right to the dome.
Better yet, it can be a trap shoot: everyone waiting in line listens for a signal, and the hunt begins! I'll bet with a perk like that people wouldn't mind waiting in line for a new photo. I'm going to send a letter in to the Commissioner's office to see what they can do. Maybe you could get a discount off your renewal if you nail someone in the leg.
A guy can dream, can't he?
Sherry and Timmy, I don't like you. I don't care what your name is, and I doubt the rest of the world does. In fact, I doubt the rest of the world likes you too. These people, they're incorrigible: if you so much as acknowledge their existence, you have immediately subjected yourself to an hour-long conversation about a dog with flatulence and Timmy's other pet, a parrot that doesn't speak. No wait, sure, it could speak, but Timmy never knew how to train it right. He looked in all the best books and…this is the kind of crap you have to listen to.
I have an idea: we should have a 'shoot on sight' policy at the DMV office when someone tries to register a self-named vanity plate. The obvious exception to this, of course, would be for a funny name like Assman, or Wang. So, notwithstanding that, the clerk pulls a .357 and sends one right to the dome.
Better yet, it can be a trap shoot: everyone waiting in line listens for a signal, and the hunt begins! I'll bet with a perk like that people wouldn't mind waiting in line for a new photo. I'm going to send a letter in to the Commissioner's office to see what they can do. Maybe you could get a discount off your renewal if you nail someone in the leg.
A guy can dream, can't he?
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