2008 Woodie Awards
"Theory of Laundry Transfer"
Robert Dora
Issue date: 11/5/07 Section: Opinion
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There are some activities on campus that touch us on a moral level. Rarely, however, does an issue cause such internal conflict that the University must get involved. This may seem ludicrous to incoming students. After all, how could such a simple task cause so many problems? Someday your laundry bag will fill up and you'll be forced to venture to the laundry room. You'll be glad to have read this article.
Students face a problem. There are not always enough washing machines or dryers for us to do as much laundry as we would like. Sometimes, when you're scrambling to find a second machine, you'll be lucky enough to see a machine that reads '0 minutes.' A surge of happiness then rushes through your body. This is usually followed by a triumphant dance or a yell of joy, but the feeling soon fades when you realize that no one is around to retrieve the laundry.
You're faced with a dilemma. You can either wait for the person to show up or you can take the person's clothes out yourself. On the one hand, we can't have machines out of commission for weeks because someone forgot they put clothes in there, but, on the other hand, it can seem rather odd having someone else touch your clothes. The real issue comes down to a simple question: How long do you wait? Discussion had become so heated that the school felt the need to shut down nearly all the laundry facilities for a month! Clarkson will tell you it was for security purposes, but I assure you it was not.
I feel that it is our duty as students to resolve this quickly, and as a united front, lest we lose the right to use the laundry facilities again. Few people are happy to walk in and see someone else messing with their laundry, so I recommend having a lookout if you do need to take someone's laundry out. If you're alone and in a pinch, you can usually set up a good trip wire out of lint. Most students are guilty of forgetting their clothes at some point. Yet, nearly all of those same students have stomped around angrily as they waited for someone to come grab theirs.
I propose that we establish a rule that satisfies no one, thus satisfying everyone. I have spent many hours consulting various experts in this field and skimmed two or three library books to form what I like to call "Dora's Theory of Laundry Transfer." The optimum time to wait before taking someone's clothes out of the machine can be calculated by a simple equation. It should roughly be: (your age)/2 + 5 minutes (those of you who wish for something more precise should use: the square root of your age multiplied by pi).
It is my hope that each of us will calculate this number and remember it the next time we do laundry. We can defeat this beast, but we must be civil. No more blood need be spilled.
Students face a problem. There are not always enough washing machines or dryers for us to do as much laundry as we would like. Sometimes, when you're scrambling to find a second machine, you'll be lucky enough to see a machine that reads '0 minutes.' A surge of happiness then rushes through your body. This is usually followed by a triumphant dance or a yell of joy, but the feeling soon fades when you realize that no one is around to retrieve the laundry.
You're faced with a dilemma. You can either wait for the person to show up or you can take the person's clothes out yourself. On the one hand, we can't have machines out of commission for weeks because someone forgot they put clothes in there, but, on the other hand, it can seem rather odd having someone else touch your clothes. The real issue comes down to a simple question: How long do you wait? Discussion had become so heated that the school felt the need to shut down nearly all the laundry facilities for a month! Clarkson will tell you it was for security purposes, but I assure you it was not.
I feel that it is our duty as students to resolve this quickly, and as a united front, lest we lose the right to use the laundry facilities again. Few people are happy to walk in and see someone else messing with their laundry, so I recommend having a lookout if you do need to take someone's laundry out. If you're alone and in a pinch, you can usually set up a good trip wire out of lint. Most students are guilty of forgetting their clothes at some point. Yet, nearly all of those same students have stomped around angrily as they waited for someone to come grab theirs.
I propose that we establish a rule that satisfies no one, thus satisfying everyone. I have spent many hours consulting various experts in this field and skimmed two or three library books to form what I like to call "Dora's Theory of Laundry Transfer." The optimum time to wait before taking someone's clothes out of the machine can be calculated by a simple equation. It should roughly be: (your age)/2 + 5 minutes (those of you who wish for something more precise should use: the square root of your age multiplied by pi).
It is my hope that each of us will calculate this number and remember it the next time we do laundry. We can defeat this beast, but we must be civil. No more blood need be spilled.
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