2008 Woodie Awards
A tale of the woman who cried "Kids!"
Robert Dora
Issue date: 11/19/07 Section: Opinion
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This week I decided to share a story with which you are all familiar, The Boy Who Cried Wolf. I found myself in the middle of this story during the past couple of years. Throughout this article I will refer to my neighbor as "Crazy Neighbor Lady" (CNL) to preserve the integrity of those involved. The story begins several years back in a small Adirondack town.
Our neighbor, CNL, had recently gotten herself declared blind (an affliction that came and went as she needed). We received a phone call one night from her. She was quite distressed and required our assistance. A band of mischievous children were on her roof being destructive. At this point she made the jump from Blind Neighbor Lady to Crazy Neighbor Lady. My parents quickly went outside and surveyed the perimeter. They pointed the car headlights at her house and walked around it with baseball bats, while CNL called the police. Those of you that are familiar with bands of mischievous children realize, of course, that baseball bats are their greatest weakness.
The State Troopers arrived, did a quick search of their own, and took statements from CNL and my parents. The vile band of rugrats struck several more times throughout the next week. I had been entertaining the possibility that it was elves, rather than children, but the police wouldn't listen to reason. A State Trooper car showed up in the middle of the night many times over the summer. Occasionally, when they sent someone new, we would get a knock on the door and have to explain the history to him or her.
There was never any damage to the roof or evidence of foul play, so eventually the police stopped coming. We did, however, find her St. Bernard on the roof one time (elves can be quite sly). Everyone became accustomed to random sirens and statements over the next couple of years. However, over this past summer, the villainous youths/elves changed their tactics. I heard a loud bang while I was watching television with my younger brother around midnight. The two of us ran quickly to the window. One of the trucks in CNL's driveway was engulfed in flames. I yelled to my parents and we called the Fire Department.
Our neighbor, CNL, had recently gotten herself declared blind (an affliction that came and went as she needed). We received a phone call one night from her. She was quite distressed and required our assistance. A band of mischievous children were on her roof being destructive. At this point she made the jump from Blind Neighbor Lady to Crazy Neighbor Lady. My parents quickly went outside and surveyed the perimeter. They pointed the car headlights at her house and walked around it with baseball bats, while CNL called the police. Those of you that are familiar with bands of mischievous children realize, of course, that baseball bats are their greatest weakness.
The State Troopers arrived, did a quick search of their own, and took statements from CNL and my parents. The vile band of rugrats struck several more times throughout the next week. I had been entertaining the possibility that it was elves, rather than children, but the police wouldn't listen to reason. A State Trooper car showed up in the middle of the night many times over the summer. Occasionally, when they sent someone new, we would get a knock on the door and have to explain the history to him or her.
There was never any damage to the roof or evidence of foul play, so eventually the police stopped coming. We did, however, find her St. Bernard on the roof one time (elves can be quite sly). Everyone became accustomed to random sirens and statements over the next couple of years. However, over this past summer, the villainous youths/elves changed their tactics. I heard a loud bang while I was watching television with my younger brother around midnight. The two of us ran quickly to the window. One of the trucks in CNL's driveway was engulfed in flames. I yelled to my parents and we called the Fire Department.
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