2008 Woodie Awards
Fashion critique
What you should never wear in Potsdam
Mary Konecnik
Issue date: 2/25/08 Section: Opinion
In honor of Clarkson's fashion show, I have decided to provide you with some of my own insight into the fashion world of glorious Potsdam, New York. Now, I may not be a fashion expert, but I do have some knowledge when it comes to rolling out of bed and going to class. For those of you, who know absolutely nothing about dressing yourself, as is the case for most of the men at Clarkson, feel free to cut out this article and hang it on your wall.
There are four things that you should never, ever do. First, do not wear white socks with black shoes. I realize that it may be laundry day or you own one pair of black socks, but when you sit down, cross your legs, or wear high-waters, it's just like someone pulling down your pants in the middle of a large crowd; you deserve to be embarrassed.
Second, why are you wearing sneakers with dress pants? If you are going to get dressed up for a presentation, interview, etc. then please actually get dressed up. When you wear sneakers with your outfit it looks incredibly unprofessional and distracts others from what you are trying to say. Just think of the tide commercial with the stain; everything you say makes me laugh, no matter how brilliant your point is.
Third, it is the middle of winter in Potsdam, put some damn clothes on! This includes a winter jacket, possibly some gloves, a scarf, and a hat. Do not wear shorts, mini-skirts, tank tops, or flip-flops; you make me cold when I look at you. Has your mother taught you nothing?
Fourth, unless you are color impaired, wearing black and brown together is a major don't. This includes black dress pants and brown dress shoes or vice-versa. Only certain things like leopard print should have these two colors together; however, that is a whole separate issue within itself… If you are ever in doubt when to wear these colors together, come find me. I will be more than happy to assist you.
There are also little things that tick me off, but not enough to hit you over the head with a brick, as with the previous four points. Girls, there is a difference between the classroom and the clubs (by the way, what club are you going to in Potsdam? Do tell). Please do not wear spandex with a short shirt; pants were invented for a reason. However, please wear your five-inch-plus heels to class everyday. I need entertainment and personally enjoying watching you fall on the ice and snow outside.
I don't want this article to be a completely vindictive, so I will let you know some of the things that you have been doing that many of us appreciate. I would like to thank the majority of you for showering, especially after coming from the gym, and using a moderate amount of cologne/perfume, (please notice that the word moderate was used). Also, the one dollar lint roller was a great investment! On behalf of your skin, I would like to say thank you for not using a tanning bed. Cancer just isn't your color. Also, the Red Sox and Patriots jerseys flatter your figure well!
From now on please think before you put on your cowboy hat, don your grandmother's Christmas sweater, or wear boots with your sweatpants. It takes an extra minute to look in the mirror, trim your beard, un-pop your collar, throw the crocs in the back of the closet, and take your keys off your neck. If you ever have a doubt about what you are wearing, ask a friend or put me on speed dial.
There are four things that you should never, ever do. First, do not wear white socks with black shoes. I realize that it may be laundry day or you own one pair of black socks, but when you sit down, cross your legs, or wear high-waters, it's just like someone pulling down your pants in the middle of a large crowd; you deserve to be embarrassed.
Second, why are you wearing sneakers with dress pants? If you are going to get dressed up for a presentation, interview, etc. then please actually get dressed up. When you wear sneakers with your outfit it looks incredibly unprofessional and distracts others from what you are trying to say. Just think of the tide commercial with the stain; everything you say makes me laugh, no matter how brilliant your point is.
Third, it is the middle of winter in Potsdam, put some damn clothes on! This includes a winter jacket, possibly some gloves, a scarf, and a hat. Do not wear shorts, mini-skirts, tank tops, or flip-flops; you make me cold when I look at you. Has your mother taught you nothing?
Fourth, unless you are color impaired, wearing black and brown together is a major don't. This includes black dress pants and brown dress shoes or vice-versa. Only certain things like leopard print should have these two colors together; however, that is a whole separate issue within itself… If you are ever in doubt when to wear these colors together, come find me. I will be more than happy to assist you.
There are also little things that tick me off, but not enough to hit you over the head with a brick, as with the previous four points. Girls, there is a difference between the classroom and the clubs (by the way, what club are you going to in Potsdam? Do tell). Please do not wear spandex with a short shirt; pants were invented for a reason. However, please wear your five-inch-plus heels to class everyday. I need entertainment and personally enjoying watching you fall on the ice and snow outside.
I don't want this article to be a completely vindictive, so I will let you know some of the things that you have been doing that many of us appreciate. I would like to thank the majority of you for showering, especially after coming from the gym, and using a moderate amount of cologne/perfume, (please notice that the word moderate was used). Also, the one dollar lint roller was a great investment! On behalf of your skin, I would like to say thank you for not using a tanning bed. Cancer just isn't your color. Also, the Red Sox and Patriots jerseys flatter your figure well!
From now on please think before you put on your cowboy hat, don your grandmother's Christmas sweater, or wear boots with your sweatpants. It takes an extra minute to look in the mirror, trim your beard, un-pop your collar, throw the crocs in the back of the closet, and take your keys off your neck. If you ever have a doubt about what you are wearing, ask a friend or put me on speed dial.
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