2008 Woodie Awards
Angry British GPS
Robert Dora
Issue date: 4/21/08 Section: Opinion
There are times when a person knows that something is impossible, and yet, at the same time, knows it's true. This concept took on the persona of an angry British woman for me. This woman lives in a small black box in my car and goes by the name "GPS."
Despite being inanimate, this woman's goal is to end my life. This became especially clear to me during a trip to Vermont. I was traveling to Colchester to find an apartment. I programmed the coordinates into my GPS and set off on a wondrous adventure. The trip started off fine, as the GPS seemed to be taking me where I planned. At some point, however, it decided that it wasn't going to tell me when to turn until I was passing the road.
The British lady became agitated that I had missed the turn and repeatedly yelled "recalculating!" There appeared to be a new magical route that the GPS was able to calculate to successfully get me to my intended destination. This path involved taking right turns onto imaginary roads. It told me to turn right, listing off random road names, half a dozen times. Unfortunately, the only thing to my right was a rather large open field.
I eventually became frustrated and just turned around myself. I arrived upon my intended time, and then proceeded to return home after an unsuccessful search. The GPS wasn't done. At one point, I was parked in a parking lot. The GPS told me to take a right out of the parking lot, and then drive straight for two miles. Upon reaching that point, I was instructed to turn around and drive past the parking lot I was just in.
After successfully returning to the Interstate, the GPS told me to take a right. I had little time to prepare for the turn, so it was difficult to make. The road ended up being a dead end. The British woman told me to return to the road I had been on and then turn left twenty miles down the road. When it really comes down to it though, what's the difference between a right and a left?
Earlier on, it had also tried to make me turn the wrong way down a one way street. I did extract revenge. I turned the GPS on while I was on the ferry. The British lady was not a fan of that. No matter how hard she tried, she could not recalculate a path. Since then, the GPS has worked great. It just goes to show that fear is the greatest teaching tool. Why else would professors assign so many projects at the end of the year?
Despite being inanimate, this woman's goal is to end my life. This became especially clear to me during a trip to Vermont. I was traveling to Colchester to find an apartment. I programmed the coordinates into my GPS and set off on a wondrous adventure. The trip started off fine, as the GPS seemed to be taking me where I planned. At some point, however, it decided that it wasn't going to tell me when to turn until I was passing the road.
The British lady became agitated that I had missed the turn and repeatedly yelled "recalculating!" There appeared to be a new magical route that the GPS was able to calculate to successfully get me to my intended destination. This path involved taking right turns onto imaginary roads. It told me to turn right, listing off random road names, half a dozen times. Unfortunately, the only thing to my right was a rather large open field.
I eventually became frustrated and just turned around myself. I arrived upon my intended time, and then proceeded to return home after an unsuccessful search. The GPS wasn't done. At one point, I was parked in a parking lot. The GPS told me to take a right out of the parking lot, and then drive straight for two miles. Upon reaching that point, I was instructed to turn around and drive past the parking lot I was just in.
After successfully returning to the Interstate, the GPS told me to take a right. I had little time to prepare for the turn, so it was difficult to make. The road ended up being a dead end. The British woman told me to return to the road I had been on and then turn left twenty miles down the road. When it really comes down to it though, what's the difference between a right and a left?
Earlier on, it had also tried to make me turn the wrong way down a one way street. I did extract revenge. I turned the GPS on while I was on the ferry. The British lady was not a fan of that. No matter how hard she tried, she could not recalculate a path. Since then, the GPS has worked great. It just goes to show that fear is the greatest teaching tool. Why else would professors assign so many projects at the end of the year?
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